I've been doing a good job of "staving" lately. Having many games to keep me busy is good. Keeps me from getting up to no good and doing things I shouldn't be.
And yet, that doesn't keep me from yearning. It doesn't keep me from wanting what I see. It doesn't stop the deluge of thoughts that threaten to tear my mind at the seams. I often have to shake my head to violently derail a train of thought before it reaches its destination and drags me along with it.
Lately the scheduled stops have been less frequent. I spend less time on the platform, waiting for the train to come and take me away to gradual death disguised as sinful bliss. And very often I don't want that. Most times I want to run away before I hear that loud whistle that signals the arrival of impending doom. But there are times, when I'm at my low points, that I want it. There are times when the train barrels out of and through the pit of my stomach, and my heart leaps darkly, and I feel alive, half-sick with the thrill and utter wrongness, half on fire with the freedom to express the caged part of me.
Stop this train. I want to get off. Or maybe I'll just wait to see where it goes.
NB: Five hours of template tweaking does wonders. Whee!
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