Autumn has started. Leaves are turning brown, the temperature is cold enough to spoil my mood, and gloomy enough to make me think of home. Being here this past month or two has taught me a couple of things, not the least of which is this--
I hate the cold.
Gimme warm, sunny, humid Brunei any day. Though it's not a total loss. The park nearby is quite the scenic route, and I've decided to get off the bus stop a bit earlier, just so I can walk through it each day.
While I was walking through it, somebody's gorgeous golden retriever ran up to me, seemingly wanting to play. Or maybe it was the burger I was carrying. Either way, it ran off with those kids on bikes in the picture. There's also this large pond (or small lake, however you wanna see it) with lots of birds. Ducks, swans, geese... I'm tempted to buy some bread for the next time I go there! There's just something so idyllic about a big green park (green in autumn, mind you) on a sunny day that calms the senses and makes everything in the world seem like it's going well. Plus, it gives one time to pause.
And think.
And think I did. And I've discovered that since I got here, I've not allowed myself to feel. I've not given myself time to sit back and really look at everything around me. I've viewed everything through a veil of detachment, and I realized that I've been hiding behind a defense mechanism; I take everything as it comes. Everything has become so matter-of-fact, and I've lived so constantly in the moment that I've lost sight of what the moment is. I've been going through life here with a big invisible cloud over my head, and today I suddenly realized what it is and why.
I don't want to get comfortable. Because once I do, I'll lose my place. If I don't hold on to what was, then what is will not make sense once I get back. If I allow myself to "move on and let go", as it were, then home will feel less like home everyday. And I refuse to let that happen.
I refuse to stop missing home.
links (click one!)
- Popular
- Categories
- Archives
BThemes
2 comments:
indeed, there's no place like home. i don't know if i've moved on, but i can certainly say i miss the hot sun, the freedom to wear shorts outside on any given day, the good ol' one dollar pasar malam food (the price of food here is burning a hole in my pocket!)....
and definitely the hari raya.
i'll be missing that for a long time :S
True enough that you don't wanna get comfortable there but bro, you gotta make full use of the time you have over there. After all, not EVERYONE get the chance to be at the place where you are now.
Looking at those pictures it just makes me want to be there enjoying the weather that Brunei doesn't have. Yes, you miss home but heck, you're bound to be back sooner or later right? So just kick back, relax and enjoy autumn...
And of course, ALL OF US miss you too...! :)
Post a Comment