So now that it's over, I'm guessing I'm allowed to talk about it.
I was a simulated patient for what you see above, and my role was that of a 32-year-old man with renal colic. Seems I can pass for a "young" 32-year-old. Before the whole exam started, I was sent to the make-up lady for some added artwork.
Apparently I was missing my left kidney...
The lady did a pretty decent job; afterward, most people I showed the scar to didn't realize it was fake! She also handled the make-up for another simulated patient whose role was that of a lady involved in domestic violence. She really did look like someone had punched her in the face...
Once branded with the proper scarring matching my medical history, I had to wait with an examiner for each candidate to get to my station. Once they got there, they had to "examine and assess", which often involved cold hands and prodding of my abdomen. There was a lot of talk of urinalyses and stones and urinary tract infections (plus the occasional question about penile dysfunction and STDs). Most of them did OK, although there was this one guy who missed the point entirely, and went off on some "spinal problem" tangent. I had to bend this way, lean that way, lift this leg, blah blah blah. At one point, he lifted my shirt and just stared at my back, mumbling medi-jargon to himself. It took him all of a few minutes to notice the massive red scar staring him in the face, at which point he said, "Ah, there's a scar." He seemed altogether unprofessional.
And by unprofessional, I mean he was a quack.
Hell, if I really had been a patient, I would've gotten a second opinion!
So yeah, that was my adventure for the week. On an entirely different note, my friend sent me this pic she'd taken during our trip to China. So feast your eyes on one of those rare moments where I get uncomfortably acquainted with my feminine side.
I was bored, and she wanted help with her eyebrows.
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